


The Right Words at the Right Time

by anodyneer



Category: White Collar
Genre: Aging, Birthday, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Future Fic, Multi, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 06:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1015546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anodyneer/pseuds/anodyneer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Neal faces his 50th birthday, regret threatens to make the occasion a bitter one. Thankfully, Peter has a very different way of looking at things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Right Words at the Right Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [embroiderama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/embroiderama/gifts).



> This started out as a belated birthday fic for [embroiderama](http://archiveofourown.org/users/embroiderama/pseuds/embroiderama) (I didn't know about the birthday fic fest until after the fact, and then was encouraged to write one anyway!), but since it was finished so close to the [Second Annual Caffrey-Burke Day](http://rabidchild.livejournal.com/192840.html), I decided to save it for that as well! 
> 
> Title is from "Baby Can I Hold You" by Tracy Chapman.

“Should I color my hair?”

Neal Caffrey stood in front of the mirror in the living room, fingers wrapped loosely around each end of his tie. He frowned at what looked like an abundance of silver in his dark brown hair, then noticed that when his brow furrowed, the lines in his forehead deepened. With a sigh of frustration, he let go of the tie and ran his fingers through his hair, which only seemed to bring more of the silver to the surface.

“Hmm?” Peter Burke stood behind him, making quick work of his own tie, his fingers moving on muscle memory after years of wearing ties to work. Though he’d been retired from the FBI for a few years and avoided ties whenever possible, El had been adamant that they at least start out the evening in suits and ties. “Sure. I think you’d look great with blue highlights. Not turquoise or anything, but a dark blue, maybe just at the ends.” He was barely able to hide his smirk.

“Peter, I’m serious.” Neal rolled his eyes, then went back to scrutinizing his hair. “Maybe not all of it; that would be too obvious. I could leave a little at the temples…”

Peter stepped up behind him and shook his head, his eyes meeting Neal’s in the mirror. “No, definitely not. Leave it the way it is – it looks great on you. You’re one of those lucky guys who can really pull off the salt-and-pepper thing.”

“Yeah, well, there’s way too much salt now, and the doctor said I should avoid that.”

Peter let out a deep chuckle and rested his hands on Neal’s waist. “Stop. There’s really not as much as you think. You look great. You always have.” He nuzzled Neal’s neck just above his collar. “At least you still have a full head of hair. I’ve been watching my bald spot sneaking up on my forehead for years. Your hairline hasn’t even given the first thought to receding.”

Neal sighed and closed his eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of nose as he tried to gather himself. He’d been on edge all afternoon, his mind stirring up memories he thought he’d put to rest years ago. With his party now a mere hour away, he needed to at least attempt to be convincingly happy about turning fifty. With a quick shake of his head, he opened his eyes and started to work on his tie, deliberately avoiding Peter’s gaze in the mirror.

“This isn’t about your hair.” It wasn’t a question. As usual, Peter had little trouble reading him like a book. His hands slid up Neal’s sides to his shoulders, and he started to knead them gently, even as Neal’s arms moved. “Are you planning on sharing?”

Neal said nothing until he’d finished with the tie. He jammed his hands into his pockets, his loose cuffs flapping around his wrists. “God, fifty years.” Finally, his eyes locked with Peter’s again. “How did you do it? You just breezed through fifty like it was nothing. No affair, no midlife crisis, no drastic new look. It was just another day in the life of Peter Burke.”

Peter stopped the impromptu massage, leaned his chin on Neal’s shoulder, and grinned at their reflection. “You were my midlife crisis, I think. My affair, too, although it was a consensual one. And it was pretty drastic when I attended my last bureau commendation dinner with El on one arm and you on the other, wasn’t it?”

Neal had to smile at that, but it disappeared almost as quickly as it arrived. Peter turned the younger man away from the mirror and held out a hand. 

“Cufflinks.”

Neal fished his cufflinks out of his pocket and handed them to Peter, then held up one of his hands. As Peter went to work on his cuffs, Neal thought back to another time, years earlier, when the roles were reversed and he was putting on Peter’s cufflinks in front of the mirror in the Burkes’ old home in Brooklyn. They’d talked about how Peter had no regrets with the path his life had taken up to that point. Peter had almost died at the end of that week, and he’d been through his share of ups and downs since then, but he still seemed content with the way things had gone in his life.

“Neal.”

Peter’s voice brought him out of his reverie, and Neal was surprised to find that both cufflinks were already done. “Yeah?”

“You know if we don’t get this figured out before the party, El’s going to notice, and I don’t think either of us wants to spend the night of your fiftieth birthday in the doghouse. What’s going on in your head?”

“It’s…nothing I want to get into right now.”

Neal expected some manner of interrogation, but instead, Peter just pulled him into his arms and held him. It was a move designed to make him give in and confess, he knew, but Neal allowed himself to enjoy it anyway. Even now, there were days when it was hard for them to find the time to share a quiet moment alone, just the two of them.

“I love you,” Peter whispered.

“I love you, too, Peter.” Neal buried his face in Peter’s neck, breathing in his scent, relaxing in the warmth of the other man’s body pressed against his. It had taken them so long to get to this point that it was still sometimes a novelty. When Peter started to pull away, Neal tightened his grip. “Don’t. It’s working.”

Peter chuckled and stroked a gentle hand up and down his back, his touch persuading the younger man to relax. Neal took a few deep breaths before finally leading Peter over to the sofa. They sat close, legs touching, one of Neal’s hands wrapped in one of Peter’s.

“I just…it’s fifty. I’ve probably already lived over half of my life.”

“Neal, I don’t know if I like where –”

“Hey, wait a minute. You wanted to know; at least hear me out.” When Peter gave a reluctant nod, Neal continued, his thumb absently skating over Peter’s fingers. “I love the life I’m living now, don’t get me wrong. It just seems like it took so long for me to get here. I wasted how many years running from you and finding my way around the law. Sometimes I wonder what life would’ve been like if I’d done things differently during our early days.” He cocked his head at Peter. “You told me years ago that you don’t have any regrets. Is that still true?”

“Sure it is. Why, do you?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, c’mon, Peter. You spent six weeks in prison for me, you risked your life and your job more times than either of us will ever admit, and I know it put a strain on your marriage. Of course I have regrets, things I wish I could go back and change. You really wouldn’t change anything?”

Peter considered the question, brow furrowed and lips pursed. He looked beautiful, lost in concentration and radiating intelligence. Neal wanted to kiss him, but he fought the urge, desperate to hear Peter’s take on the subject. It didn’t take long for him to get an answer.

“No, I don’t think I would. Those were just challenges that we worked through. All relationships have them. I’m not going to pretend it was easy, because we both know that’s not true. But those things were all part of our history. Yours, mine, El’s…part of our friendship and partnership, and later part of our relationship. If any one of them hadn’t happened, we may not have gotten to where we are now.

“The things that happened in the past tested us, sure, but I think we needed some of that. I didn’t trust you at first – didn’t trust you for _years_. Every time I’d start to trust you, something happened that sent us back to square one. Completely breaking down and rebuilding that trust together is what made it stronger and more authentic. After you’d served out your sentence and the tracker came off, you had the chance to legitimately earn my trust, and that’s exactly what you did, Neal.”

Peter paused and let go of Neal’s hand, then wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close. “Once I could trust you with everything else, I could trust you with my heart…and with El’s.” He pressed a kiss to Neal’s temple. When he continued, the words came in a gravelly near-whisper. “So no, I don’t regret any of it. We’re who we are today because of those moments.”

“Wow.” Neal swallowed hard, not quite trusting his voice enough to say anything else. He leaned back to look into Peter’s eyes, and the love – and _trust_ – he saw there was worth everything that had happened to them through the years. It was real and honest and unconditional.

It was for him. 

For years, Neal had loved Peter more than anyone or anything…and for as much as Peter’s reciprocation of that love meant to him, sometimes hearing _I trust you_ meant even more than hearing _I love you_.

“Speechless Neal Caffrey. Never thought I’d see the day.” Peter smiled and ran his thumb down over Neal’s jaw, skin rasping against stubble, the intimate touch sending a shiver up Neal’s spine. When Peter pulled him in for a kiss, Neal didn’t hesitate to reciprocate. It was surprisingly gentle, though, and Peter broke it off before they could get carried away.

“Look, Neal,” Peter said, his voice full of compassion. “I love you, and I just…” He ran a hand through his hair and started over. “I don’t want to see you spending so much time worrying about the past that you start missing what’s going on in the present.” The corners of his mouth quirked up into a nostalgic smile. “Hey, do you remember what I told you when you took me to Yankee Stadium?”

Neal returned the smile. Of course he remembered; the whole occasion was branded into his memory. He’d rarely seen Peter so unguarded, so profoundly grateful. The older man had barely been able to contain his emotions, and for an awkward moment, Neal had been sure Peter was going to break down right there on the pitcher’s mound. Instead, he’d given his arm a good workout, showed off more than a little bit for Neal, and offered him some sage advice.

“You told me not to worry about the future or the past.”

“Right. Enjoy the moment.”

“Enjoy the moment,” Neal echoed, his grin widening. He stood and motioned for Peter to follow. When he did, Neal surprised him by embracing him with such force that it rocked Peter back on his heels. Peter’s arms came up to wrap around Neal’s body, and Neal chuckled into his shoulder, the last of the tension leaving his body. 

“Mmm. That’s one of my favorite sounds.” Peter leaned back, his eyes searching Neal’s face. “So…you’re good?”

Neal gave him a quick peck on the lips and a genuine smile, his blue eyes bright. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” He pulled away, his hands grasping Peter’s biceps. “Thanks, Peter. For –” _Your trust. Your love._ “ – my favorite present so far today.”

Peter’s eyebrows shot up, and he fought to keep a straight face. “Better than breakfast?”

“Better than breakfast…I think.” Peter and Elizabeth had prepared an impressive spread of Neal’s favorite breakfast fare, and they’d found all sorts of creative ways to feed it to him. The memory turned his smile into a playful lopsided grin.

“Better than the shower afterward?”

“Peter, I’m going for a moment here. Don’t ruin it. _Enjoy_ the moment, remember?”

Just as Peter started to make a comment under his breath about enjoying every moment of the shower very much, Elizabeth hurried down the stairs, looking radiant, if also a bit harried.

“You guys ready? We need to leave in the next few minutes so I can get there in time to make sure they’ve got everything under control.” She grabbed Neal’s suit jacket and helped him into it, then turned him to face her and snuck in a quick kiss. “Oh, Neal, you look gorgeous. Doesn’t he look great, hon?” 

Peter nodded, his eyes locking on Neal’s. “He looks amazing – and pretty damn sexy.” He gave Neal a sly wink, a silent promise of something more after the party, and then turned his attention to Elizabeth. “And you, my dear, look appetizing.”

“Ooh, I like that.” El helped Peter don his jacket and straightened his tie before grabbing his lapels and pulling him down for a long, lusty kiss. When they finally parted, both were a little breathless, and a flush was creeping up Peter’s neck. Elizabeth ran her hands down over his chest, smoothing his jacket. “Stud.”

Peter growled and started to bring her back in, but El shook her head and ducked out of his grasp. “Later. We need to go. Ready, Neal?”

Neal gave Peter a knowing look, and a confident smile spread across his face. “Yeah, I am now.”

Peter matched the smile with one of his own and wrapped an arm securely around Neal’s shoulders as they headed for the door. “You only turn fifty once. It’s time to go show our guests that Neal Caffrey can do fifty better than anyone.”


End file.
